February 21, 2016

A Girls guide to dealing with difficult people

Regina George, the ultimate mean girl.

Sadly, at some point in every girl’s life we will have to encounter a Regina George. This could be at school, university or even worse at work! To deal with the Regina George’s in the world, we need a strong game plan. A go-to guide of tactics to successfully navigate our way through surviving this type of human being. There is no escaping difficult people especially at work, and to help make your life less painful, I would like to share some strategies that have served me well over the years in the hope they help you too.

Breathe

So you get the rude and obnoxious email. Your colleague just demeaned you in front of your entire team. Your manager rejects your request for that training course you want to go on for the 5th time-for no good reason. All of these examples, are the classic Regina George move. The first thing you must do in any situation is take a step back and breathe. Your blood may be boiling and you need to make sure you remain calm and clear headed before you make your move. Take a few minutes to focus on your breath, slowly inhale and deeply exhale a couple of times until you feel your body relax.

Wait for an hour before you react

It is never a good idea to speak or send an email when you have been attacked or feel threatened. You may say or write something you may regret later on which could potentially jeopardise your future. Go for a walk to get some fresh air to clear your mind. Hit the gym or listen to some of your favourite music. Do something enjoyable for an hour so that whatever decision you make, will be the best one and not done in haste

Kill them with kindness

Trust me I know how tempting it can be to bite back and give Regina a piece of your mind or act just like Cady did in the mean girls movie and plan an action of absolute sabotage against this person. However, when you stoop to their level the only person you will hurt is yourself. Karma exists, so treat people well and you will be safe. If Regina sends you a rude email then make sure when you respond you are as polite as can be and if it was a verbal attack respond in a calm voice and tone. You are better than this and plus you will scare the crap out of her if you are extra nice!

Be a lady but Assertive

You can still put people in their place, check them or give them a read (American Urban slang, watch the real housewives of Atlanta or google) whilst being a lady. I don’t think that you should just take whatever crap anyone wants to throw your way but there is a kind and assertive way you can let someone know that you won’t tolerate their disrespect. If you are experiencing a difficult person on a project who has a million requests and tries to be a barrier rather than a team player then you need to stand your ground. I always picture Cookie Lyon from Empire, Olivia Pope or Beyoncé and think what would they do? Sometimes I even watch video clips to get me in the zone! Remember you don’t have to insult but you have to be strong and defend yourself in a classy and intelligent manner. Cookie Lyon is there to give you a bit of sass, Beyonce the confidence and Olivia Pope in the delivery.

Remember it is them, not you

I always feel sorry for mean girls. I think that they are so insecure they have to belittle and make everyone else’s life miserable because they feel terrible inside. Always remember that they are the ones who are the problem and not you. I am a Christian and I actually pray for mean girls to be saved! If you are not religious just pity them and wish them well- poor things. It really must be tough not to be happy with yourself, that you feel better to put others down.

Call them and avoid emails

If you are dealing with someone who is persistently difficult or you want to respond to an email then I would say pick up the phone in all situations. Emails can be tricky to get your point across and sometimes feelings can be mis-communicated. If you call the other person it will make things clearer and easier for you to move on and talk through any issues. Only email if you tried to call a few times and could not get a response. Emails should be the last resort.

Vanessa Sanyauke

CEO & Founder, Girls Talk London

Follow her on @vanessasanyauke

Read 5 ways to get your voice heard