September 3, 2015

Why you should rebuff the rebound

When Nicole Scherzinger and Lewis Hamilton broke up, no-one could have guessed what was to happen next. Mere weeks later, magazines and websites were reporting that both were in new relationships; Hamilton with Rhianna and Scherzinger with Ed Sheeran. But despite the seemingly surprisingly coupling of the latter, the speed at which it happened has highlighted, once again, the subject of rebound relationships.

I’m sure many of us have found ourselves in this situation: you’ve just broken up with someone and believe you are ready to head straight into another relationship, even though just last week you thought you were with the love of you’re life. So you embark on this new relationship, only to regret afterwards realising that it was just a rebound relationship.

Right after a break up can be one of the most vulnerable times in any woman’s life and it’s easy to seek comfort from whoever’s around, which can sometimes be someone you would never be attracted to if you were in a stable clear mind-set. It’s also worth baring in mind that men can sense an energy of neediness and hurt sometimes can be seen a mile away.

Although it sometimes feels like the only way to get over someone is to get with someone no matter who he is, sometimes it’s best to pace yourself, as the feeling of temporary loneliness is often better than guilt and regret. After the shock of a break up, even if you were the one initiating it, panic sets in and we think we’ve got to find a replacement. We start looking at male friends differently, friend’s ex’s differently, even men we know we shouldn’t be giving the time of day to differently, all because we can’t stand the fact of being alone.

But time is all we need; that time for reflection and self-improvement works wonders in difficult emotional situations. Sometimes we just have to chill and give ourselves some time to heal. Anything you loose in life needs time to settle in weather good or bad so just after a break up it’s best to consider these steps:

1. Accept

Sometimes it’s hard to accept that the person you thought you were going to marry is actually moving on or doesn’t feel the same way about you as you feel about them, or vice versa. The first step in heeling from anything is to accept that some form of change is taking place and it’s your job to adapt to all that comes your way.

2. Fall back in love with you

After a break up our confidence always seems to be at its lowest and rebound relationships seem like the only ways we can validate our existence but that’s not the case. You’ve got to realise that you’re the same amazing woman you were last year, last month, or even last week. Nothing has changed except for the fact you’re single and have more time to love yourself!

3. Socialise

Friends are there for you not just in good times but also in difficult times, so grab your girls and get out there. There’s so much to do in this huge world and we sometimes forget that when we’re running around trying to be the perfect girlfriend.

4. Date (if you feel ready)

Now here comes the tricky part. You and only you will know when you’re ready to let someone near your heart again, but remember there is no rush. Some people heal quicker than others so don’t look at what others are doing and compare.

5. Focus

Revisit your goals. Have they changed? Do you need to tweak them ? Re-focus on your goals and dreams and get to work girl! We are given one life so make sure you take advantage of it and don’t let a break up hold you back.

Carren Fenteng

Follow Carren on Instagram @carrenf1