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February 22, 2016
Your best cheerleader is you!
Here I am sitting down in front of my mirror, thinking and with tears running down my cheeks. Why are things not working for me? I have tried my very best but I am seeing no result compared to a friend of mine that only started her project a couple of months ago! I have tried every single thing I can think of, under the sun but it just keep falling through. I am thinking of giving up.
Looking back I realise that I’ve been the most encouraging to friends who have been close to giving up; I have supported them with positive words, energy and notes to keep them going in their time of struggle. I clearly remember the words I have spoken to them over and over again. “You’re amazing, you can make it! You are smart, intelligent, and beautiful and have a great purpose on this earth!” Those people have taken those words and are doing amazingly well but here is the person who gave the words not accepting it for myself!
I have been the worst critic of my life. Everything I do I just think and believe isn’t good enough. I know the speech I gave was amazing and people say that but I cannot sit down and listen to myself. I pick and dissect my flaws until I finally give up.
Why do I keep doing this to myself? Everyone sees and believes in my ability but myself! I have been the best cheerleader to my friends, family, co-workers and colleagues. To everyone except myself.
Why is it that we women find it easy to encourage and support other people but not ourselves? We are so good at nurturing and cheering people but if people take a look into our thoughts and find out how we truly feel about ourselves, they will be astonished. I believe trends come and go due to seasons but this trend of not supporting ourselves has been passed down from generation to generation. So we asked Madeline McQueen, Success and Business Coach and Speaker why:
“There are a number of reasons why some people struggle with this kind of confidence. Much of it is to do with the discrepancy between their expectations and their reality. There is a disconnect between who they think they should be and who they are. Often this is about legacy, it starts way back at home and then just fans out from there.
“We are heavily influenced by the things family and friends say. This is why we need to ensure that we really buoy our children up with positive words. Our experiences shape us and if we haven’t been taught or shown how to focus on the positive and to care for ourselves, then it’s very difficult to feel confident,” she says.
“Our brains store everything that happens to us and if an experience has not been positive and we find ourselves in a similar situation our brain cells will send us signals to say that this is like the previous situation. We will, then, conclude that since the last experience was not positive then this one won’t be as well.
“This, then, will be our expectation and we will feed it with negativity because it couldn’t possibly be positive. This just confirms our first thought and we’ve successfully planted more negativity in our brains. Slowly but surely what we believe is possible is eroded, and so is our confidence.”
It isn’t just ourselves that are to blame, however. McQueen says that “you have to challenge your own thinking. You have to create your own evidence that you are more than the layers of labels you’ve taken on over the years”, but she acknowledges that “this can be extremely difficult to do if everyone around you is negative, so you might need to change your environment and your friends. Put the steps above in place, they are by no means exhausted, but should get you off to a good start to change the way you think and feel about yourself”.
Which is what I’m going to do. I want to be able to support and cheer myself to be the best version of me, to tell myself I can good enough. I not only want to inspire people to do and be better but I also want to be able to inspire myself and recognise the power within in, as McQueen says:
“When you become your biggest cheerleader you spur yourself to action, because you recognise the power that you have within yourself to achieve greatness. You stop waiting for others to see you and you see yourself, in all of your fine glory. You find reasons why you can achieve your goals and the more you cheerlead yourself the more you will want to have things to cheerlead.
“You recognise that YOU are the difference you want to see in your world, and that you and you alone can make that difference. When you become your biggest cheerleader you stop watching others and start focusing on what you have and will achieve. You stay in your lane which is the best place for you and then you slay!”
So from this day henceforth and throughout this New Year, I will wake up in the morning, look myself in the mirror and tell myself, ‘You are strong! You are beautiful! You are amazing! You are intelligent! You are enough! You can make it! Start that business that has been on your mind for so long, start that movement that will help propel not only you but others forward! You can be whoever you want to be if you put your heart into it!’
From today, I, Oreoluwa Esther, vows to be the best cheerleader to myself, knowing that it is the best gift I can give to myself and that whenever a negative thought pops up, I will counteract it with several positive things that I am.
I hope you too, will join me in making this vow.
Oreoluwa Esther
@Oreesther18
You can find out more about Madeline McQueen’s work here madelinemcqueen.com and follow her wise words on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.
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