January 14, 2015

Are you Jealous?

Scrolling through social media feeds used to be a favourite hobby for most. Now, for women at least, it is more of a painfully endured chore than a bit of light relaxation. Once dominated by pictures of friends on a night out and Lush bath bombs fizzing away, now you see nothing but tanned legs on far away beaches, Michelin star meals with well -paid partners sipping on champagne and Tiffany’s engagement rings. One quick swipe and you’ve scrolled all the way through, stubbornly refusing to ‘like’ a single image.

This poses a question: Why as women are we sometimes jealous of other women’s success? Why do we find it so difficult to support each other and to celebrate each other’s greatest achievements? Why do we ask ourselves why her and not me?

I think it is down to what I like to call the “life filter”. Similarly to the way we use filters to appear picture perfect on Instagram, we filter all other aspects of our life to make it appear “perfect” to our friends and families- perfect and enviable. American author, public speaker and entrepreneur Seth Godin has named the internet the “envy amplifier”- a name that could not be more accurate. When we post something online, we know that instantly, almost anyone from anywhere can read that status we have posted about booking next years holiday to Florida, or look at that photo of your new Michael Kors handbag- and that’s exactly what we want. We want people from anywhere, at any time, to see all the positivity and good fortune in our lives. We want to make people envy us.

And it works. We see these photos posted by our friends and colleagues of designer gear and gadgets, happy couples and holiday snaps on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter and we sigh and prod at our bodies, tug at our own imperfect hair, criticise our wardrobes and cry over our bank accounts- or lack of them- forgetting that all of this is filtered from someone else’s everyday life. We sit and feel jealous of what our friends are achieving in life, what they’re buying, where they’re going. We don’t stop and admire the hard work that went in to obtaining these things, because we don’t see the hard work posted online. There are no photos of your friend working back to back 12 hour days to afford that holiday, no photos of all the birthday money saved up to afford that handbag, no photo’s of your friend and their partner arguing. Because we don’t see the ‘behind the scenes’ of the enviable life your friends appear to have, we so easily forget about it, choosing to sit and wallow in self pity instead, wondering how your friend managed to obtain the perfect lifestyle and you didn’t.

Social media plays a huge part in envy nowadays. Being able to document your life across several social media platforms can be beneficial- but, as we all know, it also stirs up feelings of jealousy among people, which is not so beneficial. And, with women being the main users of all social media (bar linkedin- don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll get there!) it is women who are effected the most. We are forced everyday to look at airbrushed women, believing it is a natural look, whilst they pose with their husband in a happy snap- taken a few days after their biggest argument that nearly ruined their relationship but was, of course, not documented on social media. We are all aware of photoshop and the evergrowing collection of Instagram filters. We must now start to become aware of the “life filter” and realise everything that is documented is done so for a reason and doesn’t portray the whole story. People say that a picture speaks a thousand words- but there is also the saying-don’t judge a book by it’s cover. These two saying’s interlink very well. Yes, a picture may speak a thousand words, but we can not read them all. We must not judge someone’s story by one photo and assume we know it all.

So, how can we turn jealousy into something a bit more positive. Sadly, jealousy is an incurable disease, and every single person suffers from it at least once in their lives. However, as unlikely as it seems, jealousy can be useful to you- it can be your biggest, most powerful motivator. I once read a quote online, “You hate on my success like we don’t have the same 24 hours”. And it’s true. Everyone on this Earth lives the same 24 hour day, and it’s up to you what you choose to achieve in those 24 hours. So, did your friend get a promotion that you were working for and you didn’t? It’s okay to feel envious, but then instead of going into a slump of self pity and depression, stop and ask yourself what did she do differently that I could have done? If your friend got herself a new designer handbag, feel envious for a second and then ask her how did you manage to save up whilst balancing your bills? Use your envy for somebody else and turn it into inspiration for yourself. Let the successful women around you inspire you to do better, to work harder and to strive for bigger achievements than ever before.

Yes, women are jealous of each other. Yes, we envy those who appear more attractive, more successful and happier than us. But let’s make a change starting in 2015. Rather than jealousy leading you to become bitter and unhappy, let it lead you down a path to inspiration, goals, milestones and achievements. Dream bigger and bigger, and let those around you who reach the goals you wish to reach provide sparks of inspiration within yourself.

Envy will always exist. Jealousy will always be around. It’s up to you how you choose to act on those emotions- and my suggestion is in a positive way. I promise, you won’t regret it. 

Written by Florence Grace

Follow her on Twitter @flomatthews_

Find out how Lena Dunham Creator & Star of Girls keeps it all the way real here: https://www.girlstalklondon.com/wednesday-wonder-woman-lena-dunham/