March 14, 2016

My embarrassing beauty buys

Last week saw me clearing out the bathroom I, and subsequently all of my toiletries, occupied at my Mum’s house. It was long overdue as I moved out properly almost two years ago, having also left home for uni and travelling before that, but no-one was using it so I just left all of my stuff there. Which meant I had a task on my hands last week.

There was the usual packs of cotton wool pads and cleansers and toners but then there were these things – the embarrassing beauty buys of my younger self…

Vanilla Musk

I remember discovering Boots’ Natural Collection Vanilla Musk products. I was bought them as a gift and immediately fell in love with the heady scent that one whiff of today gives me a headache. As you do at that age, I then had to have everything in that range. The remnants of the body scrub and a gold shimmering body mousse (oh the disasters I had with that) were all that remained from those crazy vanilla years, but my 26 year old nose was more than happy to see the back of them.

Avon (the entire back catalogues)

Good old Avon. I’ve always been surprised that it’s managed to keep going with the rise of online shopping, but on clearing out my bathroom I realised that it’s down to me – it appears that I bought everything they ever sold. Lip glosses, lip balms, tea tree oil sticks, shampoos and conditioners and hair serums, a fancy brush, perfumes, a pair of tweezers with a mini light and numerous nail varnishes. Unearthing these was almost enough to make me ask Mum where she’d put her latest catalogue…

Flavoured toothpaste

What makes this embarrassing is a combination of what it is and the age I was when I bought it: cupcake-flavoured toothpaste purchased when I was about 22. My only excuse is that it was in Vegas, but I can confirm that it was awful; brushing your teeth with something that tastes of sugar is a bizarre feeling and no-one ever re-creates the taste of cupcakes properly – I just wish I’d have known that before spending my hard-earned dollars on this.

Weird-scented lip gloss

I’m also going to blame the States for this one, although I was much younger than 22 when I decided Cinnamon and Creme Brulee made for the perfect lip gloss. I recall being so excited when I found them in a Bath and Body Works in Texas. Cinnamon had been the food of the holiday but little did I know at the time that cinnamon is only acceptable when being eaten or as a scent over Christmas – never as a gloopy, sticky lip gloss. See also: creme brulee.

So…? Kiss me

If you didn’t have at least one So…? Kiss me product then you didn’t have the childhood of a teenage girl in the 90s. One spray and I could’ve sworn I’d found ‘my perfume’, the one that I’d be wearing for every special occasion throughout my life. Instead I wore it on every special occasion for about 2 years with, I’m sure, a matching body wash and lotion at times too. Yet another smell that simultaneously takes me back to the 90s and makes me want to take an asprin.

Impulse sprays

Whilst young, naive me was saving So…? Kiss me for special occasions, Impulse was my go-to. It’s still around but it’s not the same – each fragrance used to have it’s own colour (do you remember?). None of that stylish minimalism back then. I distinctly remember the vivid green O2 one being my favourite, but why I kept Temptation and Spirit moisturising spray I don’t know. The Spice Girls one on the other hand? Because that’s the smell of #GirlPower.

Stephanie Bolton

@Stephanie Bolton