September 2, 2015

Using fear to make you brilliant

Fear is one of those things that we need, it’s built into us for a very good reason and we can feel safe knowing that it will alert us to dangers; but what about when we react to danger when there is none? When danger is just a figment of our imaginations but our fear pops up and keeps us from living a great life?

Can we actually use this imagined fear for a purpose that will make us brilliant instead of keeping us in a state of paralysis? Yes, we absolutely can and here is a quick five step process in which you can grab that fear and make it work for you, instead of against you:

1) Thank your fear

This might sound strange but acknowledging fears instead of ignoring them is a healthy way to move forward. When any fear (or anxiety or worry) comes up, say a little ‘thank you’ to your psyche for alerting you to the fact that you are in a situation that has held fear for you in the past – it’s doing its job well. Our fear doesn’t need to be an automatic panic button, it’s just a nudge to be aware that something in our past is feeling unsettled.

2) Remind yourself all is ok

Unless you’re in an actual dangerous situation then you need to approach fear with the same reassuring calm that you might offer a child – it is the past you who generates this fear, not the current you. The person you are now needs to remember that this fear may have been real for you once but now it is just an echo of the past and you can choose now whether to hold on to the fear or let it go. All is ok, this time it is different, you are in control, you know what you are doing – just remind yourself of this.

3) Make a list of why it is ok

Concrete reassurance can come in the form of writing down why you no longer need the fear that is holding you back. Ok, so the last time you decided to start a relationship, for example, it all went wrong, but this time things are not the same, you are wiser now and stronger too for having had that experience. Make a list of all the things that are different so that you can see that far from reliving the past, you have moved on and your fear can move on too.

4) Reframe your fear

Instead of continuing to focus on the fact that you are feeling fear in a situation, start to focus now on all the things you have going for you that are going to help you feel fantastic. If you are anxious because you have financial worries at the moment and are running thoughts through your head like ‘I have so little money at the moment, I am so worried that I won’t be able to pay my bills’, reframe this to say ‘I have all the know-how I need to turn this around. I can choose how I feel and I feel empowered by my ability to change things, no matter how they appear to me now’. Then your mind can get to work on finding solutions instead of falling deeper into anxiety and paralysis. The key is to keep moving forward, not to get stuck where you are.

5) Create solutions

When you are feeling fearful it is so easy to name problem after problem or to stop in your tracks and hide away from something that you would love to be able to move past. If, for example, you are going for a new job and in the past you have failed to get a job you really want or messed up at the interview, your anxiety could be huge when it comes to facing a similar scenario in the future.

Tackle this by looking at all the things you are worried may happen; ‘what if my mouth dries up and my mind goes blank?’ then come up with solutions ahead of time. You might decide that you will ask for some water on arrival and have prompts written down that you can take in with you to answer all the questions you may get asked. This will mean you are fully prepared and your fear can be handled because you have practical solutions to help you through. It’s all about creating solutions, not problems!

Fear can be a fantastic tool for helping you approach things in a more positive way, it can create better organisational skills, thorough preparation, deep thought, creative solutions and a way of re-framing your perspective. Fear protects you, it keeps you alive – let it be a way to make you thrive too.

Nova Woodrow

@loveliveevents